So much has happened since my last post in November. I moved off the couch and out of the living room of my friends and moved into my own room in an apartment I share with a nice couple and their two adorable dogs. I got a job, I still like said job although I wish I had benefits and got paid just a wee bit more. I am thankful for this job because despite the aforementioned, I can pay bills, save a little money, have fun, and am not breaking the bank. I met a drummer, gave him my heart after a game of dominoes, and then got it handed back to me a little worse for wear. He still wants to be my friend, but as a woman at work said, I am no back up plan.
Now, I have a good friend from Florida visiting and I am excited to show her the city I am in love with. So, I am making it in this city. I am getting the travel bug, the desire to visit the desert, to go camping for days in the middle of no where, to build something out of the earth to help others enjoy and appreciate the natural world, to run away and fall in love with some new and remote place.
Despite the distraction that the drummer boy caused, I am working on finding myself again, on figuring out who I am and want to be, where I want to be, what I want to do and I am once again coming to the idea of farming, of growing my own, of living off the land, living as responsibly as possible, writing, reading, listening to music, dancing, and continuing my love and worship of the sun. and mountains, air, water, rain, maybe even snow? While living in a city and not owning a car. Those are my desires, that is what I wish to do. I just have to figure out how. The how is always the hard part.
I have stopped drinking. Drinking was a crutch, something to bring out the social side, to hide behind, and I do not want to be that girl. I want to be brave in my own right, to have fun, to let go, to be able to do everything that I allowed drinking to allow me to do on my own. It has been more than a month now and I feel great. That is one thing that the drummer boy gave to me, the ability to be myself and not apologize or do stupid things with alcohol's help. Sure, at some point I will have a drink or two again, but I don't want to drink to get drunk, to forget, to do stupid things.
Other important updates:
I have started talking to my ex-boyfriend, Craig, the one I thought was the one, who now has a child... we are friends again and it is probably one of the healthiest, most grown up things I have done by becoming his friend again.
My sister is having a baby. Although my step bothers and sisters have children, this will be my sister's first child and I could not be more excited. I'm going to visit after the baby's born, so sometime in September I think.
The one thing I do need to work on is finding more friends, more hobbies, more things to make myself smile and laugh and appreciate life.
Somehow, I have been living here for 4 months already. Time flies...
