26 going on 40

I feel emotionally immature. I have always been seen as more mature than my age, older than I am, wiser even, if you will. Maybe it isn’t that I’m emotionally immature, maybe it is that the people I have started being around more, one a former co-worker, another a musician friend I met recently, are 39 and 40, respectively. That is 14 years of life experience on me. 14 years of dealing with relationships, with people, with the world as an adult. I believe I’m justified in feeling immature, but I am trying to reconcile that there isn’t anything wrong with that. I am 26, I am living in a major city for the first time in my life, trying to figure out how relationships, friendships, acquaintances, how all of it honestly works. This is mostly difficult for me, or incredibly simple, because I believe in honesty; probably too much. I am also living in the after effects of the biggest relationship in my life, and I am trying to figure out how to not jump so head first into things. How to play games that humans think are necessary… I have never been the type of person to have a bunch of good friends. I have good friends and these people I have to warm up to or I just connect with. Mostly, no, all of my friends now are the latter. I meet people, there’s a connection - we’re instant friends. 

Normally I don’t have any issues with age. That is probably one reason why I’ve become friends with the people I have. Age is whatever; more important is the connection. My only fear is that I am trying to stop being 26, to act as though I have experiences that I don’t, knowledge that I don’t… and my bright eyed curiosity about the world is no longer endearing but damaging. 

I am far too difficult on myself though. If I were really emotionally immature these people would not talk to me, hang out with me, and pursue my friendship just as much as I pursue them. Sure, I have some things to learn still, but I think that is endearing.