10.13.2010

what is really going on

I never thought I'd get to a point in my life and wonder how I ended up here. Unfortunately, here I am. I am 25, soon to be 26 and I have no life plan, no goals, no direction. I have goals but I have no direction, no idea on how to get to them. I am unhappy and am not sure how long I've been unhappy. This year has been pretty intense: I lost my last grand parent, my dog, who I got when I was 12 died, the man I thought I loved... the man I did love, well he is having a child with some woman he met after me. What else? Besides the lack of direction, lack of ambition. Oh and I am fed up with my self consciousness which stems from my self image, which I can change. At least I can change the visible things that are wrong. But it is this vicious cycle of being depressed because I don't like the way I look and trying to work on it but getting frustrated and then getting depressed... add to that fun roundabout the fact that I lack motivation, that I have no idea how to accomplish just living somewhere. Oh yeah and I sold my car, so living outside of town isn't fun right now. So I need to move to a city, but I need a job to move. More fun.

Geeze, I feel great right now.

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