Four... almost five months have pasted since I last wrote. Although I want to say that so much has happened, I stop myself before I honestly say it. Things have happened, yes, but not more than I thought would. It is somewhat funny, or so I think, that Craig and I are still in this canoe, but now we have paddles and are going in circles. We did a lot of circling the past few months. There's someone else in the boat. Or maybe he's in a canoe next to us, but either way the fog started to clear and it revealed another man. Another man that Craig loves. I keep saying silly little mantras, to try to get this all into my head. Craig is in love with a man, this man loves Craig. Craig loves me... and I love him. So where does that lead us? So there's fog, but there's someone else in the boat, or near. Blah blah blah.
I could be anywhere come September. Idaho, Utah, California, Arizona, Florida. I am in the midst of resumes, cover letters, lists of references, applications. Well, honestly I am trying to be in the midst of all of these things but the damn interwebs with their free TV and books of faces with silly games are quite distracting. I have a deadline, however. I leave for New Jersey next week, a week from today in fact. This time next week I will be in the air or in an airport going East! I can't wait! So I'd like to have all of my stuff finished before I leave. That's the plan.
I have been very lonely since last Tuesday. Now that Craig is in New Jersey (which, by the way doesn't have anything to do with why I am going to Jersey) and the rest of my good friends are gone, I don't really have anyone to hang out with. I have been hanging out with Schroeder here and there, but driving down to Palm Springs costs a pretty penny when done more than once a week.
Michael and I aren't really best friends anymore. I realized this after last week when I was trying to get a hold of him and just couldn't. All of this love stuff between me and him... him being in love with me, me possibly being in love with him, him being in love with Liz... has complicated things. He was avoiding me... well he was avoiding everyone, but me specifically because he wasn't sure how to tell me that things with Liz were going better. So, I've lost my best friend. Karin and I hardly ever talk. So there's Craig... who's no longer here... and working all of the time and fucked up in the head.
I am in holding pattern. Simply waiting for New Jersey, waiting for my sister to proofread cover letters and short essay answers so I can submit applications. Waiting to figure out what I'll be doing for the next few months. And then after that... well actually I am okay with just figuring out life until the New Year. 2010. Sounds like some sci-fi film or book. I suppose that is how people felt about the book 1984, and Prince's 1999 song. Only 4 more years until the world ends anyway, so I better enjoy it while I can.
