just another day

In the end today is just another day. I don't believe in God, so caring about the supposed day of Jesus' birth is pretty pointless. I put faith in nature and science. So Merry Christmas, but it feels just like any other day, or commercialized holiday to me.

I am sick, my sinuses have been pretty unhappy for a few days and the whole trouble breathing makes it hard for me to not get so down. I am trying to not see my life as a failure, but I have no ambition. What do I want to do? I still haven't figured that out. I know what I'm going to do for the next few months, but beyond that, I am still at a loss for what I want. I don't want to feel like a fuck up. I don't want to be lonely. I don't want this pressure that I am letting people down. Mostly myself. I want to be important to people, but I feel that I am less and less important to people as time goes by.

So on this Christmas morning the only thing I feel like doing is going running, which I am going to do after this post. I have this vision of me going running and it working out all of the tears, where I will just let it all out and maybe feel better. Let's hope so, I need something to make me feel better today.