So it goes.

I have gotten into the habit of taking unusually long showers, hot hot hot water, almost to the point where I can't stand it. I think I am trying to wash away this funk, to rinse out myself and be able to feel normal again. So far, it hasn't worked.

Recently, I have been finding/ being introduced to a bunch of artists. The Airborne Toxic Event is one band that I love right now. I think the whole introduction to them, their lyrics, their music.. all of it is just perfect for me right now. The perfect band for this time in my life.

"I'm trying madly to calm these nerves with something new"... and that is what I've been trying to do.

Also, Bon Iver... which has this eerie, resonating, haunting sound. Very fitting for their name, "Good Winter"... bon hiver, but the h was dropped. It almost reminds me of something that should be sung by people wearing hideous robes in a church. Almost.

I had an interview this morning over the phone for a crew leading position over the summer. We'll see in a week or so if I got it. It was an interesting interview to say the least, good but as I'm so self conscious right now, I don't want to give myself too much hope just yet.

I had a good conversation last night with Blom. I had a good chat this morning with Stew. Tomorrow I think I will talk to Anna and Emilie. I had wanted to go hiking today, but then started cleaning the apartment (not yet done... urg), and started on a mix for a friend's birthday in a few days... well a week or so. Already January is flying by. Thus time moves, slowly and quickly and fluidly and with halts and stops and speed bumps. So it goes.

I need some time away from here. I need to regroup with people I love and am comfortable around. So I'm working on that. I need to rebuild my confidence. So a vacation is being planned. Hopefully sooner than later. I'm thinking that by February I should be able to buy a plane ticket to Florida. We shall see.

So it goes. I have been creatively wasting the day away. There's a pot luck tonight, but I'm uncertain as to whether or not I'm going to go. I have been excluding myself from events because of the awkwardness/discomfort I feel.

Blah blah blah.