small town life

I'm not living some glamorous, flashy life in a big city. By glamorous and flashy I of course mean going out to bars, walking down city blocks with groups of friends, going to concerts... even concerts of little known bands playing in small, empty clubs, small, crowded places with low lights and interesting characters. Sometimes, I can imagine myself in that life. Meeting and dating guys, going through seasons in a place that has more concrete than green lawns or pale, dusty dirt. Even Tallahassee, with its bars and hang outs. But right now, I am living in a place with a few bars, most of them not great. Not any that I can walk to. The one cool bar is out in the middle of nowhere, quite literally, it is a drive to get up there. I think that is just a sign of this place. I like it, but I don't love it. Hanging out at people's houses is nice, but more and more I want to go hang out at a bar, or a good restaurant, instead of someone's house. Tonight, and the past few weeks, I have been having that feeling. Especially after hanging out in Palm Springs for awhile. I miss meeting new people, as crazy as that sounds from someone who is more introverted than anything else. I just feel stagnant in my social life right now. Small towns such as these, I have learned, are not where I want to be. Everyone knows everyone, therefore everyone knows everyone's business. Not fun. So it goes.

Tonight I'm going to a pot luck, with people I work with and hang out with ALL OF THE TIME. Seriously, having friends at work and hanging out with people that you work with ALL OF THE TIME is not ideal. At least not for me. It is different than being on a crew and living and working with people and that is your community. That is your life. But this, this office work with the gossip and the talk and the inbreeding/inter dating... my god. I'm tired of it. Almost four months in and I have learned that I need a town bigger than this one.

We shall see what I decide about tomorrow. Some people are going to a gem show. Some are camping, possibly one is not. It would be nice to not camp and just go for the day. It would also be nice to go hiking and see a movie and then hang out with John and friends in Palm Springs. But, I think I need to back off on that front. We are friends and that is nice, but he has this life separate from work. Which is kind of what I'm getting at I think. I need a life separate from work. One with people that I hang out with that I don't also work with and hang out with every single weekend.

Maybe I'll find something good to do this weekend. Maybe I'll be spontaneous and go somewhere. Maybe maybe maybe. No more holding myself back.