Ever go to a concert, a concert you've been wanting to go to for months, and it just isn't what you expected? What you'd been looking forward to? The music is good, it just isn't as mind blowing as the first time you heard it. The crowd isn't dancing, but its a crowded, uncomfortable place now, no forced dancing because you just have to dance. And weeks later, your piece the night back together to find a night that turned out to be the night the guy you thought you were dating hooked up with the girl that he is currently dating. The night that the ever elusive "something" changed between them. The night you picked up on something, but ignored it. Because when you have affection for someone, you ignore things.
So now, you're sitting in your pajamas, well past noon, well past the time to be sitting in pjs in a dirty apartment... you need to take the garbage out, but in order to do that you feel as though you should put clothes on. It is, afterall well past pajama time. You need to wash dishes and go to the grocery store. You need to fold clothes, hang them up. You need to do all of these things... work on a resume, brush your teeth, but the desire is gone. The only thing left is a ball in the pit of your stomach, a ball of hurt and emptyness and you just feel naive and stupid. But hurt, my god are you hurt. Pain brings out the best and worst in people and right now, you switch between wanting to laydown on the couch and watch tv, or continue to goof around on the internet, just listen to music and wasting your day away... then there's that rush of motivation, that desire to get everything on any to do list you've ever made accomplished. Now. NOW.
1 comments:
Maggie, I think that there's always time to think about the way things could have been -- but what I've started seeing is that you just have to put one foot in front of the next. Nobody else will do that for you. Even if you were to fall in love with someone who loved you back, they wouldn't be able to lift your feet and make you march forward.
Forget about the rest of the world and think about yourself for a bit, and see what happens. That fuckface probably wasn't worth the dirt under your feet anyway. :)
When you concentrate on yourself, the rest of the world will start to notice. I'm finding that out too.
You'll see. You just have to try.
Post a Comment