Let the countdown begin

I am overwhelmed. I'm moving to California in approximately 25/26 days.

It's so strange how sometimes you want time to fly by and others you want to make sure that every single moment counts. I'm trying to stretch moments into hours and make memories that will last forever, or at least as long as good memories last.

I'm scared. This is such a huge change, driving literally from one end of the country to the next and then embarking on this life changing experience. I'll be camping, in the desert for 10 days at a time, 4 off. I'll be working my ass off doing environmental work. Work that I believe in. But by god, its going to be hard. I'll be thrown into this community of 8 other people, we'll live, work, eat, sleep, play, laugh, get upset, get angry, be disappointed together. I'm excited and I'm scared.

This is so much different than when I left home to go to college. I wasn't this scared, because I really didn't feel like I was leaving anything behind. Here, now, I feel like I'm leaving so much behind. I'm leaving a lifestyle behind. I'm leaving a life behind. With the start of the engine on the day I leave, with the leaving of Tallahassee, I'll be leaving behind this life of parties, late night coffee runs, late night drives to destinations unknown, driving around the streets of Tallahassee with people I love. I'll be leaving behind Andrew, my co-counsel and co-conspirator, Tom, who although I haven't known for years, only 3 months has done more for me than he can probably imagine and believe, Anna and the gang, my party buddies for the past year and a half who taught me to let go, live it up, Karin, my art buddy, coffee friend, confident, wonderful amazing girl, Emilie, one of the coolest girls I have ever known and will miss dearly, Jamie, my favorite stoner and hippie... and countless other people who have helped me become the person I am today.

I have no many memories with everyone and I love them all so much that I don't want to leave simply because I don't want to miss anything. But they'll leave... we'll all leave, just like Sean and Meg have already left. Stew left, Scott left, but not from Tallahassee but from my life.

I'm going to miss the atmosphere of a home FSU game. The feeling of walking on campus.

I'm going to miss so much and that is why I'm finding it difficult to leave. There weren't nearly as many memories in high school as there are now. So this step, this one feels like a giant leap into the unknown, because it is.

I feel like there's so much I still have to do before I leave. I have to buy gear, clothes, make sure everything is fixed on Jeepy, plan the trip, figure out if Rob or Andrew is going to drive with me, finish paperwork, figure out when I need to have applications ready to send for grad school, figure out when I'm taking the GRE and where in California... sigh. All in 25 days, with a limited amount of funds AND still taking 3 days to go to Jamie's wedding the 14th-16th. I think I also want to write everyone sort of "good bye" notes. I'll be writing letters in California to everyone but not everyone... so I think that would be a nice gesture. Oh yeah, and I'm throwing a going away party on the 22nd. Sheesh. Overwhelmed.