I really only use this journal as an outlet for the trash thoughts I have. Once I get them out of my head, out into the open world of the vast Internet I feel better. I feel immensely better today. Especially after the conversation I just had with myself in the car. I feel free of all of those negative thoughts I was having and now can move on to being excited about life again. This, in part had to do with my horoscope from today...
"Instead of focusing so much on what would make you happier, spend some time thinking about what makes you unhappy -- whether it's the way a certain person treats you, your love handles or those dishes in the sink. Once you identify those targets, you can fix them -- and make yourself happier! So talk to that person, beef up your exercise routine and start cleaning up. Your happiness is in your hands."
This is all so true, because I was doing nothing more than thinking about what would make me happy. A boy, to go back and change things... etc. etc., but what makes me unhappy, well those things I DO have control over. And rightly so, I should change them. I don't even believe in the whole horoscope business, you know as far as it telling me about my life, etc. But I do think that sometimes they can give you a swift kick in the ass when needed. The powers that be can totally do that.
So, I'm good. Tomorrow I get to go to Panama City with some of my favorite girls in the entire world and party.
And yes, I totally do have conversations with myself. It helps me work through things, just not in my head. No, I don't answer back, but its the airing of... things, that is therapeutic in a way. In brief, yes, I would love for someone to want me and love me, but right now that isn't happening, but it doesn't matter. I'm moving at the end of the year, then moving about a year later for grad school. I don't know some guy holding me back. The sky is the fucking limit right now and I should start enjoying that more now. In a few months I have to start paying back student loans and I have to start seriously saving for Europe and Seattle, but its all worth it. Because that's why I'm working, so I can explore the ENTIRE FUCKING WORLD!
The other day Anna said I'm not a very good liberal woman (me wanting to have a boyfriend SO BADLY) (which, by the way, I was fine without before the whole Stew scenario) but I think I'm doing a pretty kick ass job with it. Yeah, he made me realize what I'm missing by being single but there is so much that goes into relationships and right now, well right now I need to live on my own. It'll come around again, just like when it did with Stew, when I'm not looking.
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