Its strange how the loneliness seems to creep up on you sometimes. One moment, you're happy, enjoying your day just as it is and then the next something happens, pictures of your friends who are about to be married, and you see how happy they are... together. How they work together as this unit now. And then it hits you... that you're alone, that you probably will be for a long time. Because of things that are and are not your fault.
I was losing weight, I was doing just fine on the diet... then someone who I would have been interested in showed interest in me... and that led me to doubting everything and turning my good work, my hard work on that diet back. I don't know how to deal with this. I am so afraid of a relationship, terrified. I'd rather not be in one then to be hurt that much again, but at the same time I know that not every relationship is as horrible as the one I had. Then I get scared because of other things, because I know that they're coming eventually and I don't know how to deal with that, so instead it is just easier to not get into one.
And, let's not forget about how I'm graduating... and have no direction, no ideal, no clue as to what I'm doing after this graduation. I've been just not thinking about it, but that doesn't work. That's scary, frightening. Maybe I should just go ahead and do teach america or americorps, at least that way I'd get money for my student loans and I would be doing something worthwhile. I need to decide on something.
Weekends should definitely be 3 days. I need one day to party, one day to rest, and one day to get shit done. Oh well... and now its 12:03 AM which means its Sunday. So much to do still... argh!
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